A takeaway from How to Know a Person

I reflexively story-share when someone else opens up, to show that I’ve had a similar experience, I can empathize, and some of my own vulnerability. In How to Know a Person, David Brooks specifically calls out this conversational gambit, noting that it can shift focus away from the speaker. Instead, he suggests giving space to the speaker, continuing to be a listener.

Lo and behold, I was on the phone with my Mom – she was recounting coming out of Goodwill with a bag-full of books, much to my Dad’s dismay. My conversational reflex was to jump in with my own book-related story, but this time I tried to leave the spotlight on her with some “books seem to run in the family” attempt at a volley. And, Mom told me, it does run in the family. Her father grew up in a farm in Illinois, and his father in turn loved books. All details new to me.

I’ll still share my own stories where appropriate, but I have a dawning realization of the forking paths of conversation still unexplored, even with those I’ve spent a life with. I appreciate this book for that.